Self-Esteem

What is self-esteem? According to Wikipedia, self-esteem is confidence in one's own worth, abilities, or morals. Google AI says, self-esteem is how you feel about yourself and your abilities, and is based on your beliefs and opinions.

These words, self-esteem, have been used for a very long time and I want to use this blog post to unpack it a bit. 

First of all, self-esteem is important because it impacts so many areas of your life. Such as decision-making, relationships, and your emotions. Life takes a toll on our confidence. Between family, work, and the expectations we put on ourselves, our self-esteem really can take a hit on a daily basis. 

Where does self-worth come in? Yep there is a bit of a difference between the two. Self-esteem is based on achievements and validation where self-worth is based on your own internal beliefs about yourself. 

Now that we know what it is. How do we change it if it needs changing? Ugh. Unfortunately, there is not a pill for this one. So, let's dive in together. 

There is a line from the movie "Pretty Woman" that I have never forgotten. "People put you down enough, you start to believe it. The bad stuff is easier to believe. You ever notice that?" (IMDb) Isn't that the truth? Research shows that it takes 5 good comments to undo 1 bad comment. (Google AI) Isn't that so sad? Maybe if we really thought about this, we would start giving out more compliments.                                                

So, where am I going with this? If bad is so easy to believe, than maybe we need to give good a fighting chance to shine through. Right? One way is by making a self-esteem journal in which you write one thing each day that makes you proud of yourself. For instance, I got a lot of work done today or I drove all the way home without complaining about one other driver. Hehe!

Another great way is to tame negative thoughts by naming them. "Name it to tame it." When you are feeling anything but joyful and happy, stop and finish this statement. "I am feeling______." Fill in the blank with as many emotions as you can that describe how you feel. As you name them, they begin to lose power over you. Try it! It really works. 

Thirdly, the people you enjoy spending time with can make or break your self-esteem. Do your friends lift you up or tear you down? If they often leave you feeling like you are never good enough, then I think it is time to find new friends. Real friends will build you up especially when you are feeling down. 

Ok, this fourth one is really hard, but I still encourage you to try it, or should I say try not to do it. Don't compare yourself to others. Yep, like I said, it is hard, but not impossible. When I am struggling with comparison, I will say this statement to myself, "As compared to nobody else, I (am, can, have) ____________." Finish the statement. It is funny how words can trigger your brain to think and not think a certain way. 

Lastly, embrace your imperfections. So, you are not perfect. None of us are. There was only one that was perfect and that was Jesus Christ. God even says that we all fall short of his glory (Romans 3:23) and isn't he the one we should be trying to impress? Life is about progress not perfection. Our imperfections make us unique! But with that said, there are times when we can't seem to fix it ourselves and that is when we should ask for help. Asking for help shows that you do find yourself worthy of the joy and happiness God intended for you. 

So, what are you going to start doing today to build your self-esteem? Is there something you have been doing that has been working? Please share in the comments. 

Photos by Alysha Rosly on Unsplash